Watch the tide roll in

Ahhhh

It really is beautiful here, and I am so lucky to get to drink in this little piece of heaven on earth with family!

We are at the cottage (by we I mean the boys and I, hubby will join us on the weekend) that my MIL rents with her SIL every year for two weeks. The beach here in Kincardine is just gorgeous and the cottage is a legitimate cottage right on the water, not one of those fancy ones with air conditioning, washer & dryer, tv, Internet etc. 

we have electricity and running water - all we need :)

Although a REAL cottage wouldn't even have that, but it sure does make life easier with two wee ones!

Hubby's cousin is next door all the way from Ottawa, B's boys Mr. C and Mr. D are so funny and fairly close in age to BIG C, which is really nice. 

Every year on labour day weekend as much of my MIL family that can make it (there are 15 brothers and sisters, plus kids, and now grand kids !!) comes up to spend the day (or two) here and we all have a big meal on Saturday and a big breakfast on Sunday. We usually try and complete the Huron-Kinloss ice cream trail as well, YUMMY!!

 It's so much fun. I love time with family. 

The cousins have started a tradition over the past few years, Cousin's night out, a rowdy night of bar-hopping (there are two bars here in Kincardine) and some laughs and munches. More often than night I end up driving this rowdy bunch around town, but they're so fun it's so worth it!

Right now it is so calm here, just MIL Aunt L, Aunt B, the boys and I - did I mention I'm feeling quite brave from bringing them both alone?? Cause I am'

I hope you are all having a wonderful summer wherever you are, enjoying it with family and friends. And for those returning to school or who have kids returning to school - enjoy your last few days!'

The waves are lulling me to sleep now. 

Until we meet again. 

Leave it to Poppa!

A crazy evening around here - as per usual. 

Hubby home late, dinner to make, kids to keep entertained, try to get kids to eat dinner (that includes hubby) although tonight was hamburger helper so not too hard (although hubby doesn't like when I add veggies to it!), play with the boys, bath time and try to have a calm an collected bedtime (which tonight was phenomenal). 

Seems super stressful at times, but make no mistake I know I am blessed. 

Blessed with a hubby who loves me dearly, hilarious little boys (even though that laughter can end in tears!), a warm house, food to eat, clothes to wear, and a van with a full tank (if I remember to fill it!). 

I am also blessed with some mommy time tonight. So here I sit reading my Today's Parent - LOVE this magazine particularly since EVERY aspect is Canadian unlike so many other magazines that are only US based with American facts, stats and resources. 

So much great stuff in here - particularly the 'Maternity leaves around the world '

So interested to find out how other momma fare in regards to time off and job security and paid leaves when it comes to these loving little babies. 

While I know we are blessed here with 15 paid (55% of salary up to $501/week) weeks of maternity leave and 35 weeks paid parental leave (for mom or dad to share) there are many countries who are doing better yet. 

Take Sweden, parents are entitled to up to 480 days of leave, at 80% pay (with a cap), and moms and dads are encouraged to split the time. 

And Norway, this Scandinavian nation regularly ranks as one of the United Nations' top places to live, and no wonder. Parents are entitled to 100% of pay for 40 weeks or 80% for 56 weeks - but dads must take at least 12 or its lost. 90% of dads there take it. 

Wouldn't it be great if North America was as pushy to have dads take some time to be at home with they kids to build those bonds!! I personally think it would be fabulous. Also then hubby wouldn't have an illusions as to what I do in a day!!

This made me think of another article from BBC, why Finnish babies sleep in boxes. Very interesting and made me think, why do we not have something like this here?!?!??!

 http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22751415

Such an interesting article!

Ah, speak of the baby. 

My boobs are bein summoned. 

Until we meet again. 

Decorate your soul

These beautiful babies await our good friends V & M when they returned home from holidays. Sweet Baby A passed on July 16th this year and was born sleeping. Since then V & M have found the hope and love they have for their baby girl in these gorgeous winged creatures.

We never got to meet this little angel baby - with hurts my heart so. I know the pain I feel from her loss is nothing compared to her parents, but I miss &cry for her just the same.

Part of my pain comes from V and M not being able to experience parenthood as they should be entitled to, they are a new Mommy and Daddy but they must journey those new roles with such grief and heartache instead of joy and the celebration of milestones. It just seems so unfair - while it is hard to trust a God that at times seems so unfair, He has a plan we know nothing of and believing this is what gets us through.

Today was also decoration day at the small cemetery where my Dad is buried. We had to hustle this morning as getting 2 young boys ready is no small feat, and the small church we attended was more than an hour away. We made it in the knick of time!!
The service was lovely, I particularly loved the one hymn that was chosen, In the bulb there is a flower;

In the bulb there is a flower; in the seed, an apple tree;
In cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter there’s a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

There’s a song in every silence, seeking word and melody;
There’s a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning; in our time, infinity;
In our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity,
In our death, a resurrection; at the last, a victory,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

Especially the line:

From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

Something God alone can see. So we hold onto our faith, praying to our God that things will get better and brighter in days, weeks, months, and years to come.

 

Many people come to the cemetery on this day and decorate the graves here, in memory of the ones we loved so dearly. We should take this as an example, even in little ways, to decorate our lives and hearts as we carry our loved ones memories with us everyday.
Today V did this, by capturing a photo of these beautiful butterflies, taking a moment to let them brighten her life. To decorate her soul. To remember that sweet baby of theirs. (Thank-you V for taking these photos and sharing your happy moment with us)

I vow to do this more often, looking for the good, taking a moment to enjoy the big and small. For me, for my hubby, for our boys, for Dad.

 

 

We still miss you everyday Dad, but I know you're up there in heaven, I tell BIG C that's where you are, watching over us. You might not be able to hold our sweet boys, but I know you're taking care of little baby A.

Love you.

Until we meet again.

Good Grief

Grief

We all grieve differently. Some silently. Some emotionally. Some angrily. Some invisibly.

Let them. Let them grieve.

Let them grieve their Mothers, their Fathers, their Sisters & Brothers, Grandparents, Sons & Daughters. Their Friends, distant family - whomever and however let them grieve.

Most days, to the outside world, I seem fine. No one would ever guess my dad died. He died so unexpectedly, it was just so surreal. Some days I still can't believe it happened - and its now been nearly 2 years.
I miss him so much everyday. I hate that he can't watch our boys grow up in person. I know he's watching everyday though (although some days I hope he turns a blind eye hen they are driving me batty! Although I know he getting a chuckle since I was not a golden baby myself!) but some days that doesn't seem good enough. He did get to meet BIG C, but he wasn't even 2 months old - hardly a drop in the bucket - but I am still ever grateful he was here to meet him.

I was grieving very emotionally while the police and coast guard searched for him for nearly a week. There was still a small part of me that hoped for a miracle. There would be no such luck. So here I sat again hoping for the only bit of comfort that was left, let it have been a medical reason he is no longer with us, please lord let him not have suffered. No such luck.

My dad was a healthy, happy dairy farmer of 48 who was entering his golden years that he had worked so hard to achieve. He was taking scuba lessons with a close friend and this would be their first dive in open water. His first and only.

After the funeral and my Husband and BIG C and I moved back home I grieved silently. Crying at night while everyone else slept. Trying to hold it together for my mom.
After a few weeks it was easy - occasionally I would be caught off guard and would break down (I still do)
For a long long time it didn't seem real. I visited my mom often and it could easily be assumed dad was just out in the barn working - maybe that's what I convinced myself so I could cope.

I am emotional all over again now. Emotional for me. Emotional for dad. Emotional for our dear friends V & M, Emotional for sweet baby A, that sweet baby we will never know.
I cannot imagine receiving such a precious gift only to lose it again. I want so badly to heal them, but I know all to well that this grief will never truly be healed.

I fine myself breaking down regularly now. I'm not sure really for who. I'm not depressed, I know that. I'm just sad that there needs to be such heartache in life. I read many blogs, trying to understand the pain V & M must endure, it has really opened my eyes to how many families have lost such tiny babies. Seems so cruel - but God must know what he's doing.
Trying to understand their pain I feel I am opening an old wound of my own that never properly healed.

Back to my point - do not rush those around you to get over their grief, to find closure. It's a myth, there is no such thing as closure. After any loss we cannot expected to be the same, we are a new person with the addition of grief in our lives.

If you have a spare 17 minutes - this video is amazing (and it took me forever to find again!) Nancy Berns is a very smart lady.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0rCfXSdYPE

So grieve, its good for the soul.

Until we meet again.

Oh happy day

Happy first birthday to Mr. E!!! 

While most will say I can't believe it's already been a year, I can't believe it's ONLY been a year!

Was there really ever a time Mr. E wasn't here? I can hardly fathom it. He is such a joy in our lives, a happy giggly cheeky little man!

I remember the day he was born so vividly! Bit of an early bird, but he just couldn't wait to share life with us all :)

Wishing you the happiest of birthdays big guy! Looking forward to celebrating with you on your first birthday, with many more to come!

Until we meet again. 

Here's to new beginnings!

Here we are  - the start of something new and uncharted 

I've thought about this so many times for so long, but it took a terrible loss that happened to close friends and reading so many other blogs and personal stories in relation to that loss to really give me that kick I needed.

That and I'm trying to do some things just for me (AKA Mommy) which isn't always easy, but I am feeling the need to so I remember that I am still me, a person with dreams and desires and ambitions. Not just Mommy, Wife & Housekeeper.

The blogs and blog posts I have been reading for the last month or so are so honest, so real and emotional - they really pull at your heartstrings! I'm not saying I will be doing the same by any means, but if I can only reach one other person - let them know they are not alone on whatever journey they're on - that would feel so rewarding.

Here's to new beginnings! (I seem to be missing a full wine glass to clink!)
...and to the cries of a little babe on the baby monitor... that's my queue!

Until we meet again.
(I'm sure we will, because this already feels right)